Je ne suis rien du tout …

It’s ruschaosh hour. Bath time. One of those days. While I rinse my kid’s head, he never keeps quiet and in the sweet buzzing of that body, I don’t think about the meaning of life: I actually feel it.

This  is one of the days I would say yes if a journalist if he asked me have you ever thought of giving up? It’s no big deal, I know, soon I will be reminded of what keeps me going but if happiness is but a moment, so is frustration and the will to give up. Don’t get me wrong, nothing tragic happened. The sun shone outside. My kid and I danced to SING! soundtrack. The bad news or the mess ups show up in the screen. Unfortunately you can’t turn that notifications off.

I think about my day and filter the happy moments. Sometimes we need to be alone in the dark. I know that I did, that we did took many matters in our hands and that me as person or inside a group of people, a special group of people, can for sure deal with them. Dealing with problems yourself equals freedom. Yet, I remember that when I took my driver’s license like 25 years ago or so (it was an absolute condition to know how to drive to be in Moonspell) that my father (who isn’t a great driver himself, I must say) told me: on the road it’s not you that’s problem, it’s others. My father’s Sartre moment holds so much true in life, in business, in love.

My wife, she’s a singer too and whenever we are with Fausto on the street, many approach to ask so he’s going to be a musician too. And when we jokingly answer great goth, hope not! they fail to see that sometimes we are not joking at all. That we are not biting the hand that feeds. That we are not that privileged over others. The notion of success might be strange for me but it’s completely impossible to decipher when you’re not out in the woods yourself with but a knife and a flashlight.

Our world reinvents itself and its language changes at every moment. We live for the exclusive, exclude the non-inclusive while trying to be inclusive. It’s hard, if not impossible. You can’t shed tears enough when the violence is daily. You can’t believe there’s peace out there, if you only know war. We can’t best anyone because we are little else than nothing. We don’t get it, we are not in reason, the waters became too deep even for experienced swimmers.

We can do a lot but the only value we truly have is the capacity of filling the great silence that life can be.  Let’s keep on talking, it’s all we can really do.

Je ne suis rien du tout …

3 thoughts on “Je ne suis rien du tout …

  1. “And it makes you wanna stay forever tangled in the pale arms of some hanged man”
    Usually my friends would argue that reaching out and talking is the way to heal. But I always found that I’m better off resolving matters on my own. I believe it gives you more experience to take on more, maybe bigger challenges as you go on in life. You clarified that here, thank you.

    Like

  2. “And it makes you wanna stay forever tangled in the pale arms of some hanged man”
    Usually my friends would argue that reaching out and talking is the way to heal. But I always found that I’m better off resolving matters on my own. I believe it gives you more experience to take on more, maybe bigger challenges as you go on in life. You clarified that here, thank you.

    Like

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